Friday 15 July 2011

I Can't Hear You!

When I walk, I like to wear headphones. This includes walking to the train station, the supermarket, the pub, and - most of all - walking my dog. I also like to wear headphones on public transport, whilst working and at the shops or other public areas. I don't wear in-ear headphones because I find them intensely painful. I experimented with the type that sort of clip over your ears, but I found they didn't sit close enough to my ears unless I wore a tight beanie over them. So, I wear large, over-the-head, closed headphones. On cold mornings I often wear them over a skinny hood or beanie. For anyone who is not visually impaired, there is no way you can miss the fact that I am wearing headphones. You probably can't actually hear that I'm listening to anything as they're a closed design and I'm also not trying to rupture my eardrums.
Now, if I'm outside sweeping my trees, watering my footpath or checking my mail and I see someone walking along, their ears well insulated and covered by not only some kind of warming head-wear but also big-arse headphones, I would assume that there would be little point in verbally addressing this person. Apparently many people do not make this assumption. I am always astounded by how often I'll be walking my dog and some (usually older, but not always) person will just start talking to me. To be clear, I rarely have a problem with someone "interrupting" my listening activity by providing a visual cue (waving etc) that they wish to make verbal contact, this is an acceptable way to communicate with someone wearing headphones. But when people just start talking as though I can magically hear them, it is only sheer politeness that stops me from yelling "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, you fucking, unobservant idiot!"
To all the old people who attempt to engage me in some nonsensical conversation: Most of the time I am more than happy to spend five minutes talking to you about your neighbours I've never met or some sports team I've never heard of. If, however,  I've missed the first minute of your rambling because it took me that long to realise you were talking to me, the whole thing just makes even less sense and I will just smile, nod, say good morning and be on my way. So, no headphones: talk away. Headphones on: please just wave, because I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
To the couples buying coffee and thinking my dog is cute: just smile at him, give him a pat even - he'll enjoy it, but leave me the fuck out of it, because I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
To the crazy people, the slow, meandering, aisle-blocking, purse-dropping dipshits in the supermarket: It's because of you I wear headphones in the supermarket, I don't need to hear your stupid apologies for nearly running me over with your trolley and I don't care to educate you as to what that vegetable is, just get the fuck out of my way and observe that I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

1 comment:

  1. Put it on a shirt in large print, then just point to it if you realise someone has been pointlessly assailing you with their obviously golden wit and crucial banter for the last 5 mintues. It's ok, idiots don't have feelings :D

    ReplyDelete

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